


Incandescent

by InvitingNonsenseWorld



Series: Synesthesia [1]
Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Canonical Character Death, Child Abuse, Family Fluff, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Iroh (Avatar) is a Good Uncle, Mai's kid crush on Zuko, Minor Injuries, Ozai (Avatar) Being a Terrible Parent, Panic Attacks, Pre-Canon, Self-Esteem Issues, Synesthesia, Vomiting, Zuko is an Awkward Turtleduck, burn injury, canon-typical imperialism, chromesthesia actually, not Maiko though, the avatar world blaming things they don't understand on spirits, zuko has synesthesia, zuko needs more hugs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-19
Updated: 2020-03-19
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:13:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23207524
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InvitingNonsenseWorld/pseuds/InvitingNonsenseWorld
Summary: A turdleduckling approached the edge of the pond and quacked at him. The flash of yellow that accompanied the sound, usually so comforting, sent a spark of panic through Zuko’s chest. He hid his face on his folded legs, tightening his hold on them despite the burn stinging in his wrist, and started his breathing exercises anew.(Zuko sees colors whenever people talk or he hears sounds. That changes everything and nothing at the same time).
Relationships: Iroh & Zuko (Avatar), Lu Ten & Zuko, Ursa & Zuko (Avatar)
Series: Synesthesia [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1689256
Comments: 52
Kudos: 804





	Incandescent

**Author's Note:**

> Heeyy, so I couldn't resist writing a fic with Zuko having synesthesia, so here you go. If anyone wants any links or youtube videos explaining the different types of synesthesia, feel free to ask me! I took some artistic liberties here, but otherwise, I tried to remain loyal to how it's described.
> 
> I have ideas for a continuation in which the Gaang shows up, but I'm not sure yet if I'll do it. This story is only the tip of the iceberg of the changes that Zuko having synesthesia would create, so I might not resist writing it haha
> 
> Hope you enjoy it! You can find me on tumblr at inviting-nonsenseworld. Come shout at me if you want!

_Synesthesia_

_from the Greek: a union of senses;_

_a condition in which two or more senses of the brain are crossed. The stimulation of one sense involuntarily leads to the stimulation of another sense, which can create different perceptions of the world;_

_It is not a disease, for it is not harmful to the body;_

* * *

“Prince Zuko, are you paying attention?”

Zuko’s eyes snapped back to his tutor, who tutted in annoyance. Dark grey flashed on the left side of Zuko’s vision, a spot of dull color that overlapped the bright pink that skittered on that side along to the pace of the chirps of a bird-butterfly. 

“I am, Mr. Fo!”

He wasn’t, and they both knew it.

“Then what is the name of the general that lead our people to a glorious victory on the first conflict against the barbaric Earth Kingdom army at the western Earth coast?”

“Uh, General Shogi?”

“Was that a question or an answer?”

Zuko flushed in embarrassment.

“An answer,” he said. His grip tightened around his pencil when his tutor sighed.

“Wrong. General Shogi led the first efforts that crossed Cameleon Bay. It was General Shih, Prince Zuko, and the city that was the stage for that battle would later receive our grace and become the first Fire Nation colony in the Earth Kingdom. I’ve told you this a few times already.” His tutor narrowed his eyes at him, a familiar dissatisfaction screaming from every corner of his expression, and Zuko straightened up in his chair.

“Right.”

“You should better remember next time. And stop getting distracted all the time. Your progress is lacking, and as a young man of your status, you ought to be better than that.”

Zuko pressed his lips into a thin line and nodded.

He _did_ have to be better. Azula excelled at what little classes she had as a six-year-old, and her firebending training was going marvelously, according to her teachers. None of them complained about her as his tutors did about him. She was a true prodigy - unlike her older brother, yes, he already knew that.

Even if he couldn’t help but be disappointed when Father gave her praise and a smile.

(Zuko never got that look. The best he received were blank glances).

His tutor droned on for the rest of the lesson. His dull color continued flashing on the side of Zuko’s vision, making a short path to the right and back as the man moved across the room.

Zuko didn’t look at the window in search of the bird-butterfly again despite the insistence of the pink in flickering on his left. The chirps were of a high pitch, a bit too high, too quick, and lacking any rhythm.

The bright color disappeared a few minutes later, leaving only his tutor’s grey roaming around in his field of vision. It was quiet outside.

Zuko’s chest felt tight, so he pressed his eyes closed.

* * *

_Chromesthesia_

_a sound-to-color synesthesia._

* * *

Zuko had loved colors for as long as he could remember.

Such a common thing, but it was hard to overlook them. The Fire Nation had so many different shades of red - his mother even taught him the name of a few when he asked - and then there was the blue of the sky, the green and brown of the gardens, that pretty shifting color of the ocean, and the variety of purples, pinks, and yellows from the flowers.

People’s colors could be even more beautiful, though. They flashed in the corners of his vision and sometimes over it, circle-like spots of colors as people talked. Father’s and Azula’s were nice reds, with his father’s being a darker shade and Azula’s a brighter one.

His mother’s voice-color had to be his favorite, though, even if it wasn’t a mighty Fire Nation red. It was a type of blue-green that was kind of like the sea but not at the same time.

He didn’t know the name of many shades that weren’t close to red, so he had no name for it.

She had laughed when he told her that her color was his favorite that one day it was pouring outside and they took their weekly stroll inside the palace walls. She had looked down at her clothes, red with embroidery in golden, yellow and garnet, and smiled.

“Why, thank you, sweetie,” she had said and winked. “You’re a real charmer.”

Zuko had grinned back and thought nothing else of it for the longest time.

* * *

Zuko took in the words on the scroll with the utmost attention. He closed his eyes and recited the sentences in his head, again and again until they felt right. Satisfied, he continued to the next paragraph.

From his position sitting on the grass and leaning against the wall by the stairs that lead to the fountain, he had a great spot to read in peace. Sure, some servants crossed the area around him, and if they happened to be talking to each other, spots of color would flash to the sides and even over the scroll sometimes, but they rarely spotted him, hidden by the stairs and the bushes as he was, so he was left alone.

Plus, there were no noisy sisters here to poke their noses on what was none of their business, so it was perfect.

His favorite part of the story had to be the next one, the one that was always epic no matter how many times he reread it, the clash-

The voices of two servants reached him, discussing something or other about the proper way of sewing a hole in a silk cloth. Zuko gaped at the scroll, watching spots of blue and red flash side by side, moving to the left and then to the right in synchrony, before the red overlapped the blue just the slightest bit as one of the servants talked over the other. 

He started sniggering. That had to be a better reenactment of the battle in the story than the Ember Island players did.

“What are you doing hidden beside the stairs, Cousin?”

Zuko didn’t yelp and hit his head on the wall. He didn’t.

“Lu Ten!”

Ah, but he crumpled the edge of the scroll.

Lu Ten chuckled as Zuko panicked, his golden voice-color flashing in quick zig-zags that accompanied the ups and downs of his voice.

“Here, let me help.” Lu Ten sat beside him, taking the scroll from his hands. He paused. “Love Amongst the Dragons?”

Zuko flushed. “I can explain!”

“Hey, it’s fine. I like this play too.”

“...really?”

“Sure. Father gave me a copy of the play for my 15th birthday,” Lu Ten said. “It was a version very similar to this one. Father said he liked it because the calligraphy of that scribe was most beautiful, a perfect fit for the story.”

Zuko gave him a sheepish smile.

“Uncle let me borrow it the last time he was here. I thought it was his.”

“Of course he did.” Lu ten shook his head. He bumped Zuko’s shoulder slightly with his own. “It's no problem. Just treat it well."

"Will do! Thanks, Lu Ten."

"So," Lu Ten said, prolonging the 'o' and with a smile growing on his face. "What do you say I read this with you?”

“What?”

“Yeah. You need a Dark Water Spirit to act alongside your Dragon Emperor, no? Unless you prefer to do it alone.”

Zuko stared at his cousin as his golden color flashed right beside his amber eyes. It was a warm combination, as if Lu Ten had his arms open, welcoming him. Zuko loved it - even more than the soothing effect of Uncle’s forest green beside his own eyes.

A splitting grin took over Zuko’s face.

* * *

It was a calm afternoon.

Zuko breathed in deeply, held his breath for a few seconds, then exhaled slowly.

Mid-spring as it was, flowers were blooming everywhere in the royal garden, and their faint but sweet scent reached Zuko as a breeze swept by. It was cool under the shade of the tree by the turtleduck pond, albeit still humid in the way the Fire Nation always tended to be as the summer approached.

It was supposed to be a good afternoon.

_In for 4 seconds, hold for 7, out for 8._

A turdleduckling approached the edge of the pond and quacked at him. The flash of yellow that accompanied the sound, usually so comforting, sent a spark of panic through Zuko’s chest. He hid his face on his folded legs, tightening his hold on them despite the burn stinging in his wrist, and started his breathing exercises anew.

Rinse, and repeat.

There were a few more quacks and some splashing as another turtleduck joined their sibling in making noise, and along with the ruffling of leaves, they composed the sounds of the garden, as familiar and relaxing as it could be. In the darkness of his closed eyes, it was easy to pretend that was all there was to this day - a peaceful afternoon in the palace, a day free from training and his tutors. A day to spend out in the city with his mother.

And with Azula, who couldn’t care less about seeing the preparations of the coming festival but who had insisted she come along.

So, a stroll with his mother and sister through the city - through the very, very loud city. Agni, why was it so loud there? He had heard so many people talking at once and there had been too many overlapping colors like never before, was it always like that, it couldn't be, it was supposed to be a nice place, and all of a sudden he couldn’t-

Zuko breathed in deeply again.

He clenched his fingers on the fabric of his pants and opened his eyes slowly. The sunlight brightened the color of the grass and reflected off the surface of the pond, and some smoky spots of yellow flashed in the corner of his vision, coming and going as soon as he heard the quacks from the turtleducks. Nothing obstructed his vision - it was all as it should be.

He fell back against the tree with a sigh, tension draining from him. It was only the insistent yellow from the turtleducks gathering at the edge of the pond that convinced him to move again.

“You’re all spoiled,” Zuko told them as he threw the few bits of the bread left in his pockets from yesterday at them. He couldn’t help but smile as they flocked to the pieces.

“Zuko, there you are!”

Zuko startled, scratching his injured wrist against the tree bark in his scramble to get on his feet. Then his mind remembered who the thin smoky green-blue that flowed in his vision belonged to.

“Ah, Mother!”

“Honey, I was so worried.” She pulled him into a hug before looking him up and down. Her eyes stopped on his reddening wrist, and she got a furrow in her brow. “You need to get that looked at. Zuko, why did you run away?”

Zuko looked away. “...I’m sorry.”

His mother sighed. “Let’s sit down for a moment.”

“Where’s Azula?” he asked once they were sitting against the tree.

“I sent her back to her room,” Mother said.

Zuko fiddled with his fingers, being careful not to jostle the burned area. “It was an accident,” he said. “She was worried about me. I should know better than to cause a scene.”

“You didn’t cause a scene, Zuko. And even if it was out of worry, she needs to be more careful,” Mother said.

Zuko shrugged. One of the princes of the Fire Nation panicking and almost fainting in the middle of the town square was a disgraceful scene, no matter how he looked at it. Father would have been disappointed, no doubt about it. Actually, Zuko was glad Azula ended up burning him when she pulled his wrist because it snapped him out of that weird state he had fallen into. Running away wasn’t good, but it was better than fainting.

Probably. Maybe.

...it was cowardly, wasn’t it?

“Zuko, look at me.” Mother cupped his cheek when he did, running a thumb over his cheek. “Want to tell me what happened back there?”

Zuko shook his head.

“Zuko…”

“Nothing happened!”

Mother sighed. It was enough to bring forth a quick spot of green-blue.

“It was just- there were so many colors all at once, and I-I, I c-couldn’t,” Zuko stopped himself as panic drummed in his chest, eating at his words. He squeezed his eyes shut, but Mother only shushed him softly, gathering him in her arms, and right, Mother didn’t reprimand him like Father, so maybe he could get away with his stupid stammering just this once.

So he trembled and breathed and held onto his mother as he tried to push away the memory of the breath he couldn’t seem to take and the cluster of colors as varied as a rainbow swallowing his vision.

“Want to try again?” Mother asked when he had calmed down.

“It was just... too noisy there.”

“Well, that’s how a big city is, sweetheart. The town square is bound to be much more crowded during the festival than it was for the preparations.”

“Yeah, I guess…” Zuko huffed. He had visited some places outside the palace a few times, but they had always been on special occasions and none of them had been that crowded - not even the royal parties were so clustered! “I don’t know how you can stand it there! The palace is never like that. It was awful, there were so many colors and I just couldn’t see anything, ugh!”

Mother leaned back, and there was that furrow again. “What do you mean you couldn’t see?”

“Well, there were too many people talking at once and they were too close, so I could hear them, and then there were those men playing instruments and all their colors were everywhere. I just, I couldn’t see. Their colors blocked my, uh, my vision,” Zuko trailed off at the end. Mother was staring at him with a weird expression.

“Their... colors?”

“Yeah. Their voice-colors. You know?”

It wasn’t supposed to be a question, but he couldn’t help it. Not when his mother’s face made him doubt his own words.

“Zuko, tell me more about those colors.”

Zuko blinked in confusion.

* * *

Apparently, it wasn’t normal to see colors when people talked.

Mother told him to keep that little incident and his ability a secret. She smiled when she told him there was nothing to worry about, but her green-blue wisps had been different. It was as if her color was a tone darker than usual.

It couldn’t have been, though. That only happened when she got sick with a stuffy nose, or those few times Zuko saw her leave her and Father’s chambers after what she called “long talks”. Besides, she had smiled! It couldn't have been anything.

Later, Azula found him wandering through the halls of the palace. He stared at her crossed arms and pinched expression as she demanded he explain what had happened that afternoon. Her bright red flashed on top of her, almost camouflaged against the wall, and he thought about how she never got distracted during her classes, a crazy-impossible feat for him because there were always some animals making noises or people chatting as they walked by his study room, bringing forth flowing colors of all sorts. He thought of how she paid no attention to the flickering brown color of the mouse-ladybug as it died roasted by her feet that day she forced him to train firebending with her.

Azula didn’t react to any of it because she didn’t see colors every time she heard sounds.

Because hearing colors wasn’t normal.

* * *

Zuko went to bed early that night.

He picked one of his pillows, shoved his face on it and screamed.

Even if he was too old for it, even if it was improper for a prince to behave this way, even if he should’ve known because _of course_ there was something wrong, so stupid, but he didn’t, and Father would be so displeased and-

He barely noticed when the sting in his eyes overflowed and his breath started to hitch. He just muffled any sounds as best as he could and didn’t dare to open his eyes for even a fraction of a second.

If he didn’t, he could pretend there wouldn’t be a pale pinkish-red color flashing along as his only companion.

* * *

The musicians were playing an upbeat piece, a beautiful mix created by a violin, a cello, and a flute. Zuko had lost sight of Lu Ten some minutes ago as he crossed the crowd, but he could see him dancing to the music now, a big smile on his face. Some other guests were accompanying him, and soon the people parted ways to allow them space to dance.

Uncle couldn’t come to the celebration, unfortunately, as he explained in his last letter, because their troops had just started employing a new tactic against one of the last few Earth Kingdom stronghold cities, Ba Sing Se. He had good hopes for it.

Lu Ten had laughed when Zuko asked him about it and said he had received a similar letter.

“It’s fine, Cousin,” he had said, almost destroying Zuko’s topknot when he messed with his hair. “I’ll be of age soon, and then I’ll get to see him when I join him in battle.”

It was strange to think of his cousin fighting in the war, but he was so much older and stronger than Zuko, so it was only to be expected. He was going to come back as a Fire Nation hero with plenty of stories to tell - Lu Ten had promised, and Zuko couldn’t wait for it.

Now, however, Zuko stuck close to the musicians and did his best to enjoy the party. He took a small bite of a snack he picked randomly earlier and tried to keep it down.

The noise of the crowd surrounding him was a unison, bringing forth only a consistent sand-colored spot on the right side of his field of vision. The sounds from the musicians were what took most of his attention as they created a dance of green, purple and blue over his entire sight. It was a predictable movement, however, one that followed the lead of the string instruments and didn’t threaten to paint over the whole party hall.

Zuko was still nauseated.

He looked over to where his mother was, but she was surrounded by other noblewomen. She seemed tired even from this far away.

"Spirits", he had heard her murmur yesterday, half-asleep on top of books in the palace library, before she softly called his name.

Zuko had frozen then. He had glanced at the pages displaying descriptions of all sorts of spirits and felt a chill go down his spine. His eyes had shot to the spot his mother’s blue-green had last flashed over, and the seconds ticked by as he stared and stared and tried to find the strength to move his limbs to wake his mother.

His father’s words now came to mind, and he couldn’t help but agree; his rotten luck kept getting better and better.

His stomach protested against the presence of food.

Zuko took a deep breath and tried searching Lu Ten again, but instead, he met Azula’s eyes as she walked closer.

“Why the long face, Brother?” Azula asked. She had to speak loud to be heard over the music. “Aren’t you enjoying our cousin’s party?”

Zuko grumbled. “Of course I am, Azula.”

“You need to work on your happy face then. It might give the guests the wrong impression.”

“Shut up. I didn’t ask for your opinion.”

“So grumpy. I’m just worried about you, dear brother.”

“Right.”

Azula rose her eyebrows. She said something Zuko didn’t pay attention to, but corresponding flashes of red still appeared on top of her head.

Zuko looked away. The red followed.

His stomach churned.

The next thing he knew, he was on the bathroom emptying the contents of his stomach with his mother rubbing comforting circles on his back. She made soothing sounds, but they only made his chest feel tighter.

“Mom, w-what is wrong with-” the words caught on the knot in his throat. His pale red-pink color, like those stupid salmon-octopuses, quavered on the top left corner of his sight and disappeared on cue. The back of Zuko’s eyes burned something fierce.

Mother pulled him into her arms, and he pressed closer to her, shuddering.

“It’s okay, my love. We’ll figure this out together,” she said, tightening her hold on him. “I promise you. It’s okay.”

* * *

Lu Ten joined Uncle at the forefront of battle as soon as possible after his birthday.

Zuko didn’t miss his golden voice, unique on its way of coloring Zuko’s surroundings right when he needed it the most, because he shouldn’t be seeing colors. He still missed his cousin.

* * *

Azula’s friends were weird. They became a common sight around the palace in their free days, always playing with Azula or sitting under a tree to talk about whatever it was that girls talked about.

One of them, Ty Lee, was all happy smiles, almost as talkative as she was overflowing with energy. Half the time Zuko saw her, she was jumping or cartwheeling around. On the other hand, Azula’s other friend, Mai, could pass as a shadow for how quiet she was. She had a great aim, though, and sometimes she dropped comments with a serious face that were meant to be jokes.

They seemed fun.

(He wasn’t bitter because Azula had friends and he didn’t. He wasn’t).

They were _Azula’s_ friends, though. After the fountain incident last week, he wanted nothing to do with any of them and their girl craziness.

Still, it was unusual to see them in the palace without Azula.

They were standing on the external hallway closest to the training grounds, and Zuko slowed down as he passed by them.

“I’m telling you, Mai, you should ask your mother to buy this ribbon! It’ll look amazing on your hair!” Ty Lee was saying, waving her wrist where a pale pink ribbon was tied in a complicated knot.

“Hm. I’m not so sure,” Mai said. She pressed the red ribbon holding her hair up between fingers.

“A stronger pink would look better,” Zuko said, and then wanted to slap himself because _what?_

Ty Lee jumped, twirling around to look at him. Mai rose an eyebrow, and despite how her cheeks had gotten red, she still seemed more judging than even Azula when she did that.

Zuko scowled. “What?”

“Nothing! Just, what’s a strong pink?” Ty Lee asked.

“Ah. It’s a, you know, a brighter hue. Like that one from those Snapdragons in the garden.” Zuko struggled to remember the name of the color. His mother had mentioned it before, it was- “Magenta!”

Mai and Ty Lee stared at him in silence for a few seconds before Ty Lee started giggling and Mai grimaced, crossing her arms.

Zuko’s face heated up. “I was just saying!”

“But magenta is a horrible color. It’s too… pink.”

Ty Lee shook her head and took Mai’s hands. “No, it’s great! I love it! Mai, you’d look so beautiful!”

And Zuko nodded, watching as spots of magenta flashed near Mai when she denied. “It fits you. It is your color, after all.”

Ah.

He just couldn’t have shut up and gone away, could he?

Zuko resisted the urge to rip out his hair and instead took a step back.

Mai resembled a tomato as she shifted from one foot to the other. "Ugh, no. Any other color would be better."

Ty Lee hummed, putting a finger on her chin. Her color, a light yellow quite similar to the turtleducks, slid to the right in a smooth movement. “Yeah, I don’t know. Mai's aura is more green-ish right now, but sometimes it changes to blue. Not very pink.”

“What?”

Mai sighed. “Ty Lee, stop that.”

“But it’s true! That’s what I see!”

Zuko gaped at both girls as they discussed Ty Lee’s ability to see people’s colors. He swallowed thickly, feeling dizzy all of a sudden.

He couldn't help but think of his mother’s search, endless and fruitless. He thought of how there were growing dark smudges under her eyes, circles that weren't there during the day but that would stand out against her skin when Zuko found her wandering the palace halls, a book on her hands and the moon high up in the sky. He thought of how he still couldn’t help but love her green-blue wisps that flashed alongside her soft voice, and how their hue seemed odd in the days it felt like a breeze could knock his mother down. He thought of how she could still hug him and smile in those days, and of how he had to have seen wrong because Mother was acting normal.

“You can see people’s colors moving?”

Zuko didn’t realize he had interrupted Mai mid-sentence until he saw his salmon-octopus color flash by hers. He had to force himself to take a deep breath when it seemed like his lungs were collapsing on him.

A hush fell over them. Ty Lee blinked at him.

“Well, they don’t really move. They’re auras. It’s like looking at someone and seeing a second, glowy skin that changes colors sometimes.”

That wasn’t right. But...

“But you're still cursed too. Right?”

“...cursed?”

No.

“What are you three talking about?”

Zuko startled. He pressed a hand against his chest as Azula stopped beside him and put a hand on her hips, studying him with piercing eyes. Mai and Ty Lee exchanged a look.

“Well?”

Zuko tensed. “Nothing.”

“Just about people’s auras.”

He gave Mai and Ty Lee a sideways glance, but they were just standing there, avoiding his eyes.

“Oh? I didn’t know you were interested in that type of thing, brother.”

“That’s because I’m not, obviously.”

“Obviously,” Azula repeated, a strange gleam in her eyes. “Are you alright, Zuzu?”

“Why do you ask?”

“You’re making a weird face.”

“I'm not! I mean, I am fine, and I’m not making a weird face. Stop asking silly questions!”

Azula crossed her arms. “It’s not silly, dum-dum. I am allowed to inquire about the well-being of my brother, as far as I know. Or is there a new rule I’m not aware of?”

Zuko opened and closed his mouth a few times. He could’ve sworn he saw worry in his sister’s expression, but then again, it was never that simple with her. Besides, her voice-color remained the same as always - ever unchanging, offering no keyhole for him to peek into the inner workings of her mind. Not that voice-colors did it to other people either, but would it be asking too much for these stupid colors to be useful for once?

“Whatever,” Zuko snapped at long last. He whirled around only to stumble when he tried walking away.

“Zuzu, you're so clumsy. Be more careful.”

Zuko scowled at her and stomped away.

* * *

Lu Ten died.

Rumors said Uncle abandoned the siege of Ba Sing Se, broken by the death of his son, and that he’d be but a shadow of himself when he returned home.

Zuko avoided any orange and blue voice-colors, like the ones from those two noblewomen, like the plague and prayed to Agni to keep Uncle safe.

* * *

Zuko was a morning person like any firebender with an ounce of talent should be. He woke up closer and closer to dawn the more he trained and got in tune with his bending, and he was getting better at shaking away sleep after a few minutes of being up. All those were important traits for firebenders, according to what his teachers taught him, since the more alert and the earlier one woke up, the less time under the sunlight they lost.

It was also said that the best firebenders were able to do the same at night.

Never let it be said the same could be applied for Zuko.

Therefore, when he opened his eyes to a dark room and his mother sitting beside him on the bed, his mind couldn’t decide whether it was another dream or if it was real.

Zuko sat up with the help of his mother, but it was hard keeping his eyes open.

“Please, my love, listen to me,” she said, and Zuko frowned because something wasn’t right in that. He could’ve sworn her voice-color had been dark - much darker than usual - but before he could do anything, her arms surrounded him in a warm, protective cocoon. Zuko closed his eyes, melting against her, and decided it had to have been a trick of the bad lighting. “Everything I’ve done, I’ve done to protect you. Remember this, Zuko. No matter how things may seem to change, never forget who you are.”

Zuko opened his eyes in time to see her pulling away.

“There’s nothing wrong with you, okay?” His mother kissed his forehead. “I need you to remember this as well. You're alright.”

Zuko nodded, more to himself than to his mother because he now knew this was a dream, and watched his dream-mother walk away on light feet.

The next day, he wouldn’t find his mother anywhere, and he’d remember his not-dream and how Mother’s voice-color had been much darker than usual.

* * *

Zuko only saw his uncle one day after his father was crowned the new Fire Lord and Zuko received the title of the crown prince.

He was sitting by the turtleduck pond, looking at the turtleducklings as they swam, occasionally making yellow sounds. He wasn’t paying attention to much of anything, so he didn’t look up when he heard the sound of approaching footsteps.

There was a grunt and then someone sat beside him. “Ah, these old joints aren’t the same anymore.”

Forest green flashed on his vision.

Zuko’s head snapped up.

“Uncle!”

“Hi, Prince Zuko. It’s been a while.”

And there was Uncle, a bit thinner than the last time Zuko had seen him, but smiling gently. His voice-color was the same strong green of forests as usual.

For some reason, that made Zuko burst into tears.

His uncle’s hug was as soothing as always too. If it was a bit tighter than normal, Zuko couldn’t say he minded.

Uncle didn’t comment on any of it - his mother’s disappearance, grandfather’s and Lu Ten’s death, his siege, Zuko's new position or even Father’s ascension as the new Fire Lord. Instead, he searched for something in the bag he carried with him.

Uncle cleared his throat. “So, Prince Zuko, before anything, I have something to give you. I brought this little thing for you from the Earth Kingdom.”

“But I already received your knife. Ah, I loved it, thank you very much!”

“I’m glad.” Uncle chuckled. “But this is something different. It’s more of a souvenir.”

Right, Uncle had been wandering the Earth Kingdom for a few weeks before coming home.

Zuko looked at the scroll he was given, turning it around in his hands before opening it. He took in a shaky breath.

“Your mother wrote to me in one of her letters that you were interested in learning about other colors beyond the reds of the Fire Nation. It’s a bit of an informative scroll for tailors, but I found it quite endearing how many names of shades of green and brown they can have. This isn’t much, but I thought maybe you’d enjoy it.”

Uncle’s voice-color flashed near the scroll, close enough that Zuko was able to pinpoint the name for its color immediately: pine green.

Zuko shook his head, sniffing.

“I did. Thank you, Uncle,” he said.

If his voice was hoarse, Uncle didn’t mention it. It was good to have him back.

* * *

Zuko should’ve never asked Uncle to let him go to the war meeting.

“You can’t sacrifice an entire division like that! Those soldiers love and defend our nation! How could you betray them?!”

Never.

_“Enough!”_

The word was both calm and like a rumble of thunder, demanding respect and attention, and it took Zuko a second to identify the hue darker than garnet that flashed on his left as his father’s. He looked through the flickering curtain of fire into his father’s eyes.

Eyes that were usually so indifferent but were now alight with - something.

Zuko’s back straightened.

_“Prince Zuko, your challenge of the general is an act of complete disrespect.”_

There was something wrong. His father’s color - it wasn’t supposed to look like this. Not when he was talking with Zuko.

_“The only way to resolve this-”_

It was supposed to be like Azula’s color. It never changed, no matter how displeased with Zuko he was. It shouldn’t-

_“-is with an Agni Kai!”_

-be this dark.

Zuko looked at the general he interrupted. The man was tall and his frown marked his face with harsh lines, but he was old and certainly fraying. Zuko could take him, it wouldn’t be too hard. Yet, even as the words were on the tip of his tongue, he thought of Mother, for some reason. He thought of her color and of how it changed sometimes, and of how she disappeared right after the last time it had darkened beyond the usual.

The words turned to ash in his tongue as Zuko hesitated.

“Against who?” He asked, which was stupid, so stupid, of course it couldn’t be what he was thinking. There was no way-

The corners of his father’s mouth turned down, and Zuko barely heard him answer over the thumping of his heartbeat in his ears. There was a flicker of red, and Zuko’s mind took an extra second to process it.

“No,” he said before the thought had fully formed. “I don’t accept.”

Zuko froze as the curtain of fire rose with a roar, heat crashing against him and no, no, this had to be a hallucination, it couldn’t- He couldn’t-

Zuko’s mouth opened to take back his words, but the words wouldn’t come. Of course they wouldn’t. There was no way he could fight his own- “Father, I…”

“The meeting is over. We shall continue at a later moment, of which you will all be notified. You're all dismissed.” Father’s expression was stony in a strange way, but somehow, his color had returned to normal. Maybe... “Prince Zuko, stay. I wish to have a word with you.”

Zuko swallowed thickly but nodded. He cursed his heart, wishing it’d stop beating like crazy against his ribcage when there was nothing to worry about. Father’s color was back to normal. Zuko could apologize to him, make him see that his argument had been against the general, against the plan that would sully the name of their Nation, not as a slight against his own father.

“Brother, surely-”

“Iroh, that was a direct order from your Fire Lord. Are you really going to disobey it?”

“...no.”

Zuko didn’t meet his uncle’s eyes when he passed by him. 

“Father-”

“Silence, boy,” his father snapped. He had gotten up and was walking toward him. He waved a hand, and Zuko didn't dare look away from him, but he heard the guards stationed at the edges of the room leave, their armors clinking with small gray spots.

And then, it was only he and his father left in the war room.

“Well, Prince Zuko? Not only once, but twice you showed me a complete lack of respect. And yet, you won’t even fight for your honor?”

“No, Father, please! Listen, I…”

“Your insolence knows no bounds, I see now.”

Ozai stopped in front of him, and his eyes had a strange gleam in them that reminded Zuko of Azula.

His father’s voice-color was still normal.

A chill went down Zuko’s spine.

And then he was on his knees, blabbering as many words as he could because he had to make his father understand, Zuko was his loyal son, he had never meant any disrespect, he admitted he had been wrong, but there was no need for an Agni Kai-

“Enough.”

Zuko tensed - his color was fine, it was normal, there was nothing wrong anymore, stop worrying, Father was reasonable, _it was fine_ \- before slowly looking up.

“You need to be taught a lesson, boy. You have lost your integrity somewhere along the way, and since you won’t even comply with learning your lesson in an honorable way,” Ozai took one step closer, “suffering can be your teacher.”

Father’s hand shot out, suddenly on fire, and Zuko could only gasp as fingers got closer and closer as if to cradle his face and then-

Raised voices surrounded him, but there was red and green, so much red, too much red and it was all so blurred, Zuko couldn’t keep his eye open because his face was in agony-

Pain swallowed him up.

* * *

There was something strange going on.

Zuko stared at the blurry mix of gray and red above him. It took him a while to identify it as a ceiling, and not the same one from his room, while the gray was someone’s hair peeking into the right side of his vision.

That explained the slow flashes of green. Someone was singing.

“Uncle?” He rasped.

The song stopped. “I’m here, Prince Zuko. Are you with me now?”

Zuko blinked - or he tried to, but his face wasn’t answering well. Not that he could feel much of it anyway. “I… Yeah.”

Uncle’s clouded figure came closer. Zuko turned his head that way and watched what he thought was a smile cross his uncle’s face.

“How are you feeling?”

“‘m not sure. Weird,” Zuko said. He tried to sit up, but his arms were trembling too much. “Is the ground rocking?”

“Not exactly, Nephew.”

Huh. Uncle’s voice was a bit nasal. His color was strange too. “Are you getting sick, Uncle? Your-” voice “-color is weird.”

“I- my what?”

“Your color. It’s,” Zuko struggled to find the words. His tongue was heavy. “It’s more of a grass green. Not forest green. Ah, pine. Pine green, ‘m sorry.”

His uncle was silent for a while, and Zuko had almost fallen back asleep when he answered. “No, I don’t think I’m getting sick. There's no need to worry.” He moved away, and Zuko tried to follow him, but he couldn’t find the energy to do it. “Here. You should drink this. It’ll make you feel better.”

Uncle helped him sit halfway up before offering him a cup. Zuko almost dropped it, but Uncle’s hand surrounded his and helped guide the cup to his mouth. The liquid inside was warm and sweet.

“Tell m’ if there’s an earthquake?” Zuko asked when he was lying down again. His uncle put the back of his cold hand on Zuko’s forehead, murmuring an agreement. Grass green was such a weird color. “And ta’e care of your color.”

“I will, Prince Zuko.” Fingers ran through his hair softly. “Don’t worry about me. Now, get some more rest.”

Zuko was out in a matter of seconds.

* * *

The color of the sky was lightening, the first signs of red dyeing the horizon, and Zuko wanted nothing more than to scream.

His hands tightened around the railing, and he considered doing it for a whole 10 seconds before the lack of energy in his body decided for him. He had to lean his weight against the railing to avoid collapsing. His shivers were getting worse.

Yet, Zuko didn’t move away from the edge - or maybe it would be better to say he couldn’t move away, no matter how hard it was becoming to breathe.

Behind him, the ship was quiet. He knew the crewmembers charged with the night watch had their eyes on him, just like all the people in this Agniforsaken ship had whenever Zuko set foot above deck. It made the itch on the left side of his face increase, and three times now he had gotten very close to ripping the bandages off and throwing them into the sea.

Uncle would get that look on his face if he did that, though - the same one from when he had just come home after abandoning the siege of Ba Sing Se, and the same one he got late at night when he thought Zuko was asleep in the past few days. He’d probably reprimand Zuko, his face somehow looking even sadder.

So Zuko didn’t do it.

Instead, he continued to shiver and watch the red spread through the sky. He wondered if he’d fall overboard if his legs gave out.

Soft footsteps approached from behind him, and Zuko knew who it was even before the color appeared on his field of vision.

“Prince Zuko, what are you doing up this early?”

Zuko glanced sideways at his uncle as he stopped beside him. “You should be asleep.”

“Well, you too.” Uncle covered a yawn with a hand, and his sleeve slid down, revealing a patch of clean, white bandages. He pulled the sleeve back up when he saw Zuko looking, and smiled. “And yet, here we are.”

Zuko looked away.

Silence fell over them as the blue of the sky continued lightening and signs of yellow began to show up.

“What are you going to do now, Uncle?”

“Me? I’d love to get a nice breakfast with a warm cup of tea.”

Zuko sighed. “You know what I mean.”

Uncle hummed in thought. “Then, what are your plans?”

Zuko punched the railing before swinging around to face his uncle. “I’m serious!”

“I am too, Nephew,” Uncle said, meeting his eyes. “Wherever you decide to go, I’ll accompany you. Be it navigating to other places with this ship, or going to land.”

“But I can’t- _we_ can’t set foot anywhere in the Fire Nation!”

“Then we go somewhere else. It’ll be interesting to get to know new places.”

Zuko breathed out, and his whole body seemed to shudder alongside it. “What use is that when we can’t ever go home?”

“You must never give in to despair, Prince Zuko. Allow yourself to slip down that road and you surrender to your lowest instincts.” Uncle put his hands on Zuko’s shoulders, and Zuko couldn’t help but lean in. “In the darkest of times, hope is something you give yourself. That is the meaning of inner strength.”

Zuko grimaced. “Uh, right.”

The silence wasn’t nearly as long this time, as Zuko’s shoulders began to feel heavier.

“I have a headache,” he murmured.

“Let’s head back inside. It’s about time to change your bandages.” Uncle’s pine-green color flashed over the sea, a small spot in the middle of the expanse that was the ocean.

Zuko gave the last traces of red in the sky one last look before turning his back on it and following his Uncle back inside.

**Author's Note:**

> The idea isn't that synesthesia is a magic feelings-detector. The colors react to the timbre of people's voices, so when you have a stuffy nose or you're feeling something strongly enough for your voice to sound a bit different, the ears of the synesthete person will notice and see the hue accordingly different. That only works when you're used to a person's hue well enough, or it'd be hard to perceive slight changes.
> 
> Anyway. Any thoughts? ;)


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